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9/17/2022

'SO FUN': A NANNY'S EXPERIENCE USING BABY SIGNS (Interview)

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Parents are often the ones who take baby sign language classes so they can communicate with their baby before baby can talk. But learning baby sign language is helpful for anyone who spends significant time with a baby, including siblings, grandparents, daycare workers, babysitters, and other caregivers! Earlier this year, Emilie, a nanny, asked her employer if she could take the Sign, Say, and Play online Baby Signs (R) Class with her nanny charge, Emma. I asked Emilie about her experience using baby sign language with Emma.
SCBP: What reasons did you have for wanting to learn Baby Signs with your nanny baby?
Emilie: 
 I wanted to learn baby sign language with Emma because I knew how much it would help us communicate with each other. I have used sign language in the past in my family growing up and I was interested in trying it as a caregiver.
SCBP: What age was Emma when you began to take classes with her?
Emilie: ​Emma was seven and a half months old when we took our first class.
Emma was seven and a half months old when we took our first class.... Emma definitely enjoyed the classes.
​~Emilie, nanny
SCBP: Do you think Emma enjoyed the classes themselves? If so, how could you tell?
Emilie: Yes! Emma definitely enjoyed the classes. She would often try to reach for the screen and sometimes waved hello, too! She would also play with the toys which were part of the class, and she laughed whenever we did parachute play.
SCBP: Did you ever see Emma use Baby Signs in her daily life? What signs did she use?
Emilie: ​Yes! Emma loved to use baby signs as she grew older. Her favorite signs were "Dog", "More", "All Done", "Book", and "Fish"!
SCBP: Do you think it was helpful for her that she use signs? Can you think of a time it helped you or her family that she knew signs?
Emilie: I do think it was helpful for her to use signs. She is a very smart little one and knowing baby signs allowed her to communicate what she liked and what she wanted (and what she didn't want). We developed our own sign for angry which we would both use. There were several times I remember her starting to cry then stopping and using the sign for angry instead! It was definitely helpful to have a baby who cried less often!
"I remember her starting to cry then stopping and using the sign for angry instead! It was definitely helpful to have a baby who cried less often!"
~ Emilie
SCBP: Is there anything you would say to parents or caregivers about using baby signs with babies?
Emilie: Using baby signs is a great way to give your little one a way to communicate early on in life. When their vocabulary is bigger than just "cry" and "smile", it will surprise you how much easier it is to care for them! You can simply give them what they tell you that they want, most of the time.
SCBP: Would you recommend SCBP Baby Signs classes?
Emilie: I would definitely recommend SCBP Baby Signs Classes. They are a fun and easy way to learn a great way of communicating with your little one.
SCBP: Thank you, Emilie, for taking the time to answer these questions about your baby sign language experience!
Emilie: I 
am always happy to help out! And it was so fun to take the classes.

BABY SIGN LANGUAGE RESOURCES

Sign, Say, & Play class series: six fun online classes for little ones 6-24 months old covering the main topics that you need to know to communicate with baby, including mealtime, bedtime, bath time, pets, getting dressed, and playtime
Rumble Tumble Tummy Time class series: four fun online classes for babies 2-6 months old that use signs, song, toys, and games to make tummy time fun!
Featured Freebie class: SCBP offers FREE theme-based baby sign language classes every month for children from birth to age 6! View and sign up for this month's Featured Freebie class here.
Baby Signs Too: a website with a directory of certified Baby Signs (R) instructors from around the world and lots of baby signs resources for sale, too!

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8/31/2022

HOW SCBP ACCOMPANIED FAMILIES IN AUGUST

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August was a busy month for SCBP! The month got rolling with the August 4 session of the Catholic Nursing Mothers' Group, a group co-sponsored by the Catholic Nursing Mothers' League. We discussed "Comfort Nursing." We welcomed nine mothers and their children to this online session.
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The next day, August 5, I talked about "The Works of Mercy and Perinatal Loss" at Peace House right here in Stillwater, Minnesota. I was blessed to spend a lovely evening with several of the members of the Catholic Worker movement, who help women and mothers and their children in need of transitional housing, support, and life coaching. I was able to share with the group about our affiliated ministry, Tiny Treasures Perinatal Support. Team Tiny Treasures ships clothing and care packages to families facing or experiencing perinatal loss. It was an honor to discuss how this ministry is a way to "clothe the naked," "comfort the mourning" and "bury the dead".
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The following day, August 6, my daughter, Emilie, joined me at the 12th Annual Memorial Walk for Halos of the St. Croix Valley, in New Richmond, Wisconsin. It was an honor to provide support (and demonstrate the resources our affiliated ministry, Tiny Treasures,  provides) for the individuals and families who came out to walk to support this wonderful organization that support grieving parents and families.
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In mid-August, BeeBo Bear and I had the joy of providing the August Featured Freebie Class, "A, B, C, Sign with Me," online for several mothers and their children. In this class, we had a blast learning all of the manual alphabet signs, while signing songs, and reading the classic alphabet book, Chicka Chicka Boom Boom!
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Some of these mothers and kids told their friends about the fun they had in the class and just a week later, BeeBo Bear and I repeated the August Featured Freebie Class, "Under the Sea" Baby Signs Class for a larger group of mamas and littles. In this online class, designed for toddlers and preschoolers 2-5 years old, we created an octopus, sang songs, and told a story to help little ones grow in the virtue of self-control.
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Sadly, at the end of August, Tiny Treasures was asked to ship off a care package for a New Richmond, Wisconsin family who had experienced a pregnancy loss. And thus, August 2022 was an example of SCBP's mission to "accompany families through the joys and sorrows of birth and parenting."
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5/26/2022

SUPERMOM-IN-TRAINING SUMMIT RECAP

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I had the opportunity to answer questions and answers about Bonding with Baby yesterday at the free online SuperMoms-in-Training Summit. It was a great experience! Since the actual recording is reserved for summit participants, here's a recap of what I discussed.
To bond with baby (as well as older children!) I suggest new parents look into attachment parenting (AP). I would argue that AP is simply instinctive parenting that has been practiced since the beginning of the human race, but it has been promoted in recent decades by Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha Sears, RN. In their book, Attachment Parenting,* the Searses promote the "Seven B's" of AP:
  • Birth Bonding
  • Breastfeeding
  • Babywearing
  • Bed Sharing
  • Belief in the signal value of Baby's Cries
  • Beware of Baby Trainers (practices that might reduce your responsiveness to your baby)
  • Balance and Boundaries
In my Summit Q & A, I discussed a little bit about each of these practices. One reason I encourage mothers to work toward a natural, unmedicated birth without routine interventions is because such a birth usually provides the best conditions for normal breastfeeding, and breastfeeding is an important factor in bonding. Another important part of Birth Bonding is skin-to-skin contact between mom and baby -- and also dad and baby! And skin-to-skin is something you can do with your baby anytime, not just at birth.
Research suggests that Breastfeeding is an important factor in mother-baby bonding. It's important to add that breastfeeding doesn't guarantee bonding, and other feeding choices certainly don't prevent bonding! However, breastfeeding releases bonding hormones in baby and mother, and is known as an important factor in bonding.
There was a question about what can be done to prepare for breastfeeding during pregnancy. Make sure to get a lactation consultant lined up before you have a need! If needed, it is much easier to make a call for help to someone with whom you have already established a relationship than cold calling in what might feel like a very emergent situation. A second suggestion I have is to make sure you take a good breastfeeding preparation class!
The third B is Babywearing. Babies who are "worn" (carried in a sling or infant carrier) cry less and are perceived as "easier" / happier babies. This can make bonding easier. In addition to babywearing, I also recommend Infant Massage! Infant massage is a wonderful way to promote your baby's physical and emotional health while growing in your bond.
I spoke the longest about the fourth B: Bed Sharing because many have concerns about bedsharing safety. It is important to follow safe bed sharing guidelines! If bedsharing isn't something that you are interested in doing, it can be beneficial to sleep close to baby, for example, with baby in a "sidecar" arrangement or with bassinette in your room.
I add Baby Sign language to the fifth B: Belief in the signal value of a Baby's Cries. The parent or caregiver recognizes that babies want to communicate their needs and it is our job to observe our babies and learn what their signals mean. Baby Sign language facilitates this process by giving babies a way to communicate their needs, thoughts, and emotions before they are able to speak!
A mom asked how many signs to start with. I responded to say that in my Baby Signs classes (designed for babies 6-24 months), I teach about 6 signs per week and that seems to be enough variety without overwhelm. I also recommend starting with the mealtime signs because this is such an important area where parents and babies need to communicate every day!
Similar to the Bedsharing B, I recognize that "Beware of Baby Trainers" is one of the more controversial AP practices. To make this less confrontational, I like to explain this one as avoiding those practices that force you to be less responsive to your baby. For example, there are some methods that are designed to "train" a baby not to cry...ever. This is the kind of practice that should be avoided if you want to practice AP, because it interferes with the previous B: recognizing the signal value of a baby's cries. (This B does not mean using gentle methods of weaning or helping your toddler learn to sleep through the night at an appropriate age. Of course all children should wean from the breast and sleep through the night!)
The final B, which in my opinion is the most important, is Balance and Boundaries. Parents who gravitate to AP tend to be (like me haha) Type A perfectionists. It is important to be gentle with yourself and make sure your own needs are met: physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. AP can be intense and it is something that requires a lot of energy and commitment for the long-haul. You absolutely need to meet your own needs to be a long-term AP parent. You matter! And your baby does, too! Blessings to you and your baby.

  • *This is an affiliate link. I will get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. Your purchase helps to support this non-profit alliance in our mission to accompany families through the joys and sorrows of birth and parenting. Note: I truly love this book; check it out from the library if you don't want to purchase it!

RESOURCES

  • Birth Matters classes: online birth classes that help prepare you and your birth partner for an informed and empowered natural childbirth
  • Breastfeeding Matters class: an online breastfeeding education class
  • Infant Massage Basics class: an online infant massage class that teaches you the benefits of infant massage, as well as basic strokes to massage your baby
  • Baby Signs Sign, Say, and Play series: a fun online playgroup that help you teach 37 signs to your baby about topics such as mealtime, bedtime, bath time, getting dressed, pets, and park play
  • Ask Dr. Sears: the official website of Dr. William and Martha Sears that answers many questions about attachment parenting
  • Baby Signs: the website for baby sign language questions and products
  • Kelly Mom: one of our favorite go-to sites for evidence-based breastfeeding questions
  • Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory: Dr. James McKenna's official website summarizing his research into the benefits of bedsharing

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4/19/2022

"WHAT IS ECOLOGICAL BREASTFEEDING?" A SHORT INTRODUCTION

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One of my most popular posts in this blog is about ecological breastfeeding. Earlier this year, I was asked by Natural Family Planning International to produce a short video about ecological breastfeeding. I wrote the video, filmed it, acted in it, and edited it. This was a fun experience and I hope to produce more parenting videos in the future! Contact me or comment below if you have ideas for parenting videos, or questions I can answer with a video!
Because they go by kind of fast, here are the Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding:
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Do you have comments or questions about ecological breastfeeding (sometimes called eco-breastfeeding)? Do you have eco-bfing experiences to share? Comment below!

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8/12/2021

supporting new MOTHERs during a loCkdown: a guide for friends and extended family

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A mothers' group: the good old days?
The coronavirus pandemic has changed life as most of us once experienced it. Many areas of the world are in lockdown, and even in areas where things have opened up, as the number of COVID-19 cases spikes again, we will likely face more social distancing measures or quarantines to try to slow the spread (if we aren't already).
For some new mothers, this slower, more home-based pace of life has been a good thing. These moms report that being quarantined with their babies has helped them breastfeed, since - just to mention one thing - being separated from a nursing baby tends to make maintaining a milk supply more challenging and if nothing else, lockdown gives us lots and lots of time with our immediate family members. But in other and important ways, social isolation is not great for new mothers. Many important services that mothers need, including lactation help, have been more difficult or impossible to access during lockdown. Aside from access to healthcare, all mothers need other mothers, friends, sisters, cousins, grandmothers, aunts...we need our sisters and our sage femmes to let us know we're not alone; we're loved; we're doing a good-enough job; our kids are normal (usually); and, if they're not, to have faith that eventually, this too shall pass. Lockdowns put a lock on these face-to-face and side-by-side moments...natural social interactions which normally serve to lower our stress levels and restore us - "enhope" us. ​And all this goes quadruple for new mothers.
Dealing with lochia, sore nipples, night feeds, blow outs, the constant guessing games that a newborn brings (a/k/a no instruction manual), keeping a brand new non-verbal human thriving and growing, and caring for everything "down there" is just a lot. In some idealized past, we imagine our ancestral mothers got to lie around while their loving, supportive kin waited on them hand and foot. Sure, maybe that happened sometime, somewhere, but envying our long-departed great-great-grandmother's "lying in" is not really going to help you get through this painful feed, on this lonely day, at this ungodly hour.
So let's break this down. New mothers have physical needs. Food, water, monster sized maternity pads (in the beginning), menstrual pads later on, baths or showers, and (eventually) clean clothes. If you love her, ask about these things. If she needs something, help or ask someone else to help. Leave things on her porch, in her mailbox, send it unaccompanied up the elevator, or throw it through her window if you have to! (Or you could just give to the baby's dad, but that's not as fun.)
If she's good with her physical needs, I guarantee she has emotional needs. Call and ask about her birth. Listen. Bite your tongue if you find yourself starting any sentence with the words "at least." Listen. Celebrate the good stuff with her. Mourn with her anything she found sad. Share her anger if anything made her mad. Don't tell her what she should have done differently. Listen. Are you listening? Keep listening. No matter what, make sure to let her know how amazing she is. No one in the history of the world had her birth. It was her adventure and she is a heroine for having done it!
Call another time and ask how things are going with the baby. Celebrate the joys. Mourn the things that aren't going so well with her. Did I mention don't tell her she should have done anything differently? She is probably already beating herself up about something. If her baby is growing and developing, she's doing a great job. Tell her.
If her baby is struggling, offer to help. If she's got other kids, depending on your local situation, you might be able to have someone in mom's social bubble bring the baby's older siblings somewhere outside for a socially distanced / masked playdate so she can visit (whether in-person or virtual) with the doctor, or the chiropractor, or the lactation consultant, or whoever it is she thinks can help. Moms grow in confidence and feel capable when the people around them support their decisions about their baby's care. Be that person (even if you secretly disagree). Being a great friend / sister / mother / mother-in-law, etc., means supporting the new mom's efforts to become a mother, a big part of which is taking responsibility for her baby. And chances are very good that if the baby continues to struggle, even after that visit with [insert name here] she will try something else, and something else, and something else, and maybe, when she's tried everything else, she may even ask you for your advice! Now is your moment.
A few days or a week later, call her again. And then again. And yet again. And pretty soon she will blossom and her tiny baby will become a chunky monkey, roll over and crawl and take his first steps, and life will settle and she will never forget that you were there, on the sidelines, cheering her on the whole time. Maybe you never carried a meal to her bedside on a solid-gold tray, but you were there. And maybe she'll tell her great-great-granddaughters about you and how you were there for her when great-grandpa was born, during the time of the world coronavirus pandemic.

ways st. croix birth & Parenting can help

  • Twin Cities area Birth Place visits (where permitted)
  • ​Virtual breastfeeding counseling
  • Breastfeeding support groups (for Catholic mothers)

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3/27/2021

3 Minute Infant Massage Video

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Quick Baby Rubdown! 3 minute massage for baby. Easy to fit in after a bath or to relax baby before bedtime. Infant Massage has many benefits for your baby, including better mental health into adulthood!
This video is a mini version of the full body infant massage in our Infant Massage Basics class! Check our schedule for our next online class. Contact us to register!
This video is intended for educational purposes only. Please consult your baby's doctor or medical care provider for specific advice about the care of your baby. It is not recommended that you use any oil on babies under 6 weeks of age. Consult with a certified aromatherapist or your baby's doctor concerning the use of essential oils on babies younger than three months old.

c. Christelle Hagen 2021
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Music Credits:
Birthday
Musician: LiQWID
​URL:
http://soundcloud.com/liqwid

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12/23/2020

Rock 'n' Roll Your Baby (Tummy Time Activity Video #3)

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Rock your baby's tummy time by using a large ball!
Rock 'n' Roll Your Baby (Tummy Time Activity Video #3) explains how to:
  • Use a large exercise / stability / birth / yoga ball to add some variety to your baby's tummy time routine
  • Wear your baby as a means to cut down the time baby spends on his or her back
  • Combine babywearing and gentle bouncing on the ball to soothe your baby
This video is intended for educational purposes only. Please consult your baby's doctor or medical care provider for specific advice about the care of your baby. Always follow any baby carrier's instructions for safe babywearing and ensure baby's airway is straight so they can breathe freely.
Music Credits

Chill
Musician: LIQWID
URL: http://soundcloud.com/liqwid

Ice Cream
Musician: Ilya Truhanov
URL: https://icons8.co/music

Lazy Day
Musician: Jason Shaw
URL: https://audionautix.com/

Sweet
Musician: LIQWID
URL: http://soundcloud.com/liqwid

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7/20/2016

Introducing Christelle's "How Can I Succeed When I Breastfeed?" Video

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I am so excited to share my new breastfeeding video!  In the video I introduce the viewer to St. Croix Birth & Parenting's Breastfeed {Naturally} community and BfN's FREE online course for mothers preparing to breastfeed that I developed this summer, called "Succeed When You Breastfeed."  The SWYB course is jam-packed with great natural mama info--I am so proud of it!  My first students are joining the course now, and I couldn't be more pleased.  Check out my video--and let me know what you think!  Sign up for our newsletter, Currents, if you're interested in getting a link to "Succeed When You Breastfeed."

    Sign me up for SCBP's Currents E-Newsletter and get new blog posts in your inbox--and a link to "Succeed When You Breastfeed"

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1/13/2015

Ecological Breastfeeding Makes Breastfeeding Easier, Spaces Babies

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What is Ecological Breastfeeding?
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See below for photo attribution.
"Ecological Breastfeeding" is a term originally coined by Sheila Kippley, the co-founder of the Couple to Couple League, (now with Natural Family Planning International) to describe straight-up breastfeeding as it has been done since the beginning of time.  Kippley was a La Leche League leader who was studying and writing about the effects of breastfeeding on fertility back in the 1970's when ecology was the rage.  Had she needed to pick a term today, she probably would have chosen something like "green breastfeeding" or, as I call it, natural breastfeeding.  Ecological breastfeeding is more than "exclusive breastfeeding"--although feeding a baby only breastmilk until he naturally starts solids around six months of age is part of ecological breastfeeding.  It also includes six other "standards" to make it clear if a particular mother is (or is not) practicing ecological breastfeeding.
It must be noted that ALL breastmilk and any way a mother feeds her baby is good.  Whether directly from the breast, from an eye dropper, dripped from a spoon, squirted with a syringe, dribbled out of a cup, or sucked out of a bottle--as the saying goes, "breast is best."  The Seven Standards aren't intended to be a measure of whether or not you are "mom enough" (as the now famous TIME magazine cover challenged).  There are seven "standards" because ecological breastfeeding is a means of spacing babies.  As such, there are rules ("standards") to be followed.  If the standards are followed, most women will experience completely natural infertility (for, on average, about 14-15 months after birth) as her body focuses on growing her babe in arms.  She will neither ovulate nor menstruate during this time of natural infertility.  Until mature eggs are released, there is no chance of pregnancy.  As more time passes from birth, the more likely it is that a mother will begin to ovulate again.  Studies of ecological breastfeeding mothers have shown that the actual rates of pregnancy are virtually zero from 0-3 months; 2% from 3-6 months, and about 6% after 6 months, assuming the mother has not experienced bleeding or spotting on two or more consecutive days.  Eventually, full fertility returns and in the natural order of things, within the context of a normal marital relationship, and with nothing but ecological breastfeeding, babies will come about every two to three years.  ...But if natural infertility--babies spaced without charting, abstinence, barriers, medications or devices--isn't something you desire, then ecological breastfeeding isn't for you.
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My two older sons: their births were spaced 37 months apart.
Ecological breastfeeding isn't a litmus test for "good" or "bad" mothering.  However, it is a completely natural way that babies and pregnancies are spaced, allowing the mother's mineral stores to be replenished.  Meanwhile, the older (ex utero) baby is growing, learning to eat, crawl, walk, and talk, so that when the next baby does come along, Mother can concentrate on him or her, without depriving the older toddler or preschooler of vital nutrition, as may happen with a closer spacing (if her milk supply drops during the pregnancy).  Furthermore, big brother or sister no longer requires the intensive attention that a newborn or infant does, so mother's job is a little easier.  The older sibling is old enough psychologically to understand that the new baby needs mama.  These are significant advantages to ecological breastfeeding that no method of "family planning" can approach.
Kippley’s Ecological Breastfeeding Program sets the stage as much as possible for successful breastfeeding.  While it is not for every family, it certainly would benefit some families who are unlikely to hear of it.  Unfortunately, natural breastfeeding continues to be viewed not only as a countercultural relic of the days of the cave woman, but it is also the best kept secret as a means to naturally space children, even in natural family planning circles.
When I first heard of naturally spacing children through breastfeeding, I had never had a baby.  But after being blessed with our eldest child, I followed Kippley’s “Seven Standards” faithfully.  While everything didn’t turn out exactly as Kippley suggested (O Pediatric Dental Bills, you seem so unjust), there is one area that turned out spot on.  Kippley stated that if you followed all seven standards, and had no bleeding episodes after the first 56 days postpartum, your children would (on average) be spaced two to three years apart.  She was totally right.  After seventeen years of marriage, our six children are all spaced two to three years apart--and this was not due to any underlying infertility as I became pregnant the first time I ovulated several times.  (The only departure from this pattern is between babies four and five, who would have been spaced within that range, but two early pregnancy losses extended the spacing to a little over three years apart.)
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The Hagen Family. Children's ages: 1, 3, 6, 9, 11, and 14 years.
A Real-Life Example: 
Christelle's "Periods" since 2000*

2000: 0
2001: 0
2002: 1
2003: 0
2004: 0
2005: 0
2006: 0
2007: 0
2008: 0
2009: 1
2010**: 8
2011: 0
2012: 0
2013: 1
2014: 0

*2000: the year our oldest child was born
**2010: two of these "periods" were early pregnancy losses
“Who cares?” you may wonder.  “If you hadn't noticed, Christelle, you have a gigantic family...so what's the big deal that your babies are spaced two to three years apart?”  Allow me to explain.  During the past fourteen plus years, I have had exactly eleven "periods".  Other than that--no menstrual bleeding, no cramps, migraines, PMS, or pads; and no ovulations—for years on end.  My husband and I have been free of what others call the “fear” of pregnancy, that is, free to enjoy each other intimately for years without any concerns or even thought given to preventing pregnancy.  No potentially contentious discussions about whether to try for another baby.  No need to chart.  No need to take temps.  Simply letting God plan our family.  By the time my fertility has returned, we have been mentally in the place where another pregnancy and another baby seemed…well…natural!  After all, the next oldest child could walk, talk, and feed herself or himself.  There was space in the family for another baby.
It is not easy to share this most unusual (though completely natural) form of baby spacing with others.  Many are suspicious about how "effective" it really is.  I have heard of many women being told by their health care provider that breastfeeding can't be "trusted" to space babies.  And this is partially true, because assuming a particular mother is following all of the standards, her own length of natural infertility may be shorter than average, depending on her baby's nursing patterns, her own biology, and other factors outside of her control.  While I have no doubt that having normal anatomy and physiology have certainly been in our favor, I suspect that my determination (okay, stubbornness would probably be more accurate) has played as much of a role in our success.  Just as I’ve witnessed when it comes to natural childbirth, those women who are going to “try” to birth naturally frequently do not; so also with those who are going to “try” ecological breastfeeding.  ‘Trying’ means you know you should do it the "natural" way, and if there are zero problems you will do it, but if anything gets tough with the birth or with breastfeeding, you plan to quit.  It’s okay.  Using pain meds during a birth, choosing combination feeding or formula feeding your baby, or using a binky doesn’t make you a "bad" mom.  There are times when these things are necessary.  Just not as often as people think.  More often, they are simply wanted.  This is where the guilt comes in because we Americans don’t allow mothers to want things that aren’t ideal.
Am I adding to the guilt?  I hope not.  My aim is to let mothers and couples know about the most natural form of breastfeeding so they have the option of choosing it, if it is right for them.  
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The first time I got to hold my son in the hospital, 4 days old.
“Ecological breastfeeding” could just be called “easy” breastfeeding.  Not because the lifestyle it requires is necessarily easy (because sometimes it’s not) but because it makes breastfeeding easier.  I know breastfeeding has been easier for me because of following the seven standards of ecological breastfeeding.  As I discussed in my review of the movie Breastmilk, when our sixth baby arrived, I had already successfully fed five babies without a bottle or pump in the house.  However, my sixth baby required special care after his traumatic birth, and if he was to get any of my milk, I was going to need to learn how to pump.  When I sat in that uncomfortable hospital chair, with a sliding curtain providing the only semblance of privacy, I had the unique position of having successfully nursed five beautifully chubby babies before ever needing to use that pump.  I had the perspective of knowing I can and have produced a supply of milk abundant enough to plump up a baby when I was told by the NICU nurse that I am a “below average” pumper.  I feel sad for first-time moms who hear comments like this and assume that being a “below average pumper” means that they don’t make enough milk.  Feeding your baby, not a pump, sets all the right hormones in motion. Producing milk directly for a baby and producing milk for a plastic pump are two completely different things, and really have no correlation at all.
I encourage pregnant moms and new parents to learn about natural breastfeeding, as described by Sheila Kippley in her books Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing and more recently The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding: The Frequency Factor which you can purchase through the Breastfeed {Naturally} shop, if you wish.  Even if you are one of the rare women for whom breastfeeding according to the seven standards does not produce natural infertility, a choice to parent according to these standards, if made because it feels right for your family to parent this way, will produce a harvest of love and joy, as it has in our family.  …It’s time to present the alternative to the technological form of breastfeeding which has become commonplace in America: natural breastfeeding.  Not to create another ideal that we expect all women to want, but to inform mothers and families of a wonderful set of steps to follow that make breastfeeding easier for many, and have the side benefit of naturally spacing babies without any other knowledge, charts, devices, barriers, medications, or procedures.
It's time to present the alternative to the technological form of breastfeeding that has become commonplace in America: natural breastfeeding.  Ecological breastfeeding makes breastfeeding easier and naturally spaces babies.
Natural breastfeeding moms need to come out of the closet, or more accurately, get out of the house! …and let the world know about this most beautiful way to space babies.  To that end, in the coming weeks, I will describe in detail each of Kippley’s Seven Standards and present evidence-based information and personal anecdotes about each of them.  I will follow this up with a series of posts explaining what moms, dads, relatives, employees, employers, clergy, and others can do to promote and support breastfeeding within your walls.  Make sure to come back in the coming weeks to learn what you can do to encourage the spread of information about natural breastfeeding, to help promote healthier and happier families, mothers, and babies.  Or get my posts directly in your email inbox by subscribing to them in the box in the side column of this blog!

Photo Attribution

"Kabala mother" by John Atherton - originally posted to Flickr as New baby and proud mother, Kabala, Sierra Leone (West Africa). Licensed under CC BY-SA 2.0 via Wikimedia Commons - http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kabala_mother.jpg#mediaviewer/File:Kabala_mother.jpg

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3/26/2014

The Quiet Beauty of This Moment: a review of attachment parenting

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Our Family, 2004
I have been parenting for over thirteen years.  Before I even had my first child I was an attachment parenting advocate.  At that point of course it was all theoretical.  At the time and in the place I had my first few children, attachment parenting was counter-cultural.  Babies were transported in infant carriers and strollers; the sight of my baby in my arms at church seemed somehow old-fashioned.  When about town with my baby in a sling, I had to explain more than once what it was!  Yes, other mothers nursed (...I'm not THAT old...), but breastmilk fed by bottle was the common way babies were fed (at least in public).  Every expectant family had its nursery and every nursery had its crib.  The family bed was something for weak-brained parents who wanted no intimacy and maybe didn't even want their baby to survive.  And pacifiers were a given.
The one and only reason we even knew about attachment parenting in those early days was exposure to these ideas through the Couple to Couple League, the organization that taught us Natural Family Planning.  Although CCL has changed, at that time, it was heavily influenced by La Leche League and its teachings about "natural mothering."  While CCL wasn't the only voice promoting 'natural mothering,' it was the only one in our circles.

While the Couple to Couple League may have distanced itself from "natural mothering," there are now many other voices advocating attachment parenting in general, or aspects of it: notably, Dr. William and Martha Sears, Mothering.com, Dr. James McKenna, the La Leche League, Attachment Parenting International, Dr. Nils Bergman, and Dr. Jack Newman.  Notice all the doctors in there?  Attachment parenting is no longer the exclusive territory of hippie housewives.  (Maybe it never was, but it is good to see all the amazing docs out there finding the research and doing the writing and promoting to support the fact that mothers and babies are meant to be together.)


I'm a firm believer that parents have been given, by God, the right and the responsibility to raise their children in the way that seems best to them, in their circumstances, with their unique mix of personalities, resources, community and culture.  It saddens me just as much now as it did back then, that simply because I might choose to parent my child a bit differently than someone else, this may somehow be perceived as a judgment against them.  I believe that most parents are doing the best they can raising their children, using the information and resources they have.
That being said, I love to share attachment parenting/ natural mothering with others.  This manner of parenting our infants has been everything CCL cracked it up to be.  It just feels right, for me, in the short term and definitely in the long term.  So what IS attachment parenting?  There are no doubt as many different definitions of attachment parenting as there are attachment parents; however, in general, attachment parenting stresses...you guessed it...attachment!  
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Our Family, 2014
The Searses teach what they call the seven "b's" of attachment parenting: birth bonding; breastfeeding; babywearing; bedding close to baby; belief in the signal value of baby's cry; beware of baby trainers; and balance.  If you are curious about any of these aspects of attachment parenting (or all of it!), what follows is my review of attachment parenting, as used within our family for the past thirteen years.
PictureThe Joyful Moment just after birth
Birth bonding?  I've done it six times!  This one is pretty well accepted in American society, at least for vaginal births.  But in case you've just emerged from subterranean life, bonding at birth makes breastfeeding easier and positively impacts the relationship between mother and baby for years to come, as well as helping to prepare your baby for healthy relationships with others.  Having a doula present at your birth and after can be a great resource in helping you bond with baby, both because she can give you helpful bonding tips, as well as run errands so you and your spouse can focus on getting to know your baby.

Most articles about birth bonding are quick to point out that missing bonding at birth doesn't doom you to a distant relationship with your child or curse your child to become the next dictator.  So what to do if you miss that early bonding?  Well, besides this little hug, pictured at the left, I missed early bonding with my little son, who had serious complications at birth and spent his first fifteen days in the NICU, only able to nurse for the first time about a week after birth.  I am delighted to say that we both persevered and he's a happy, healthy, exclusively breastfed baby today.  The keys to bonding with your baby, despite a delay, are to touch or be near your baby consistently, to talk with your baby, to be responsive to baby's cues, to get good support when your baby is ready to try breastfeeding, and to negotiate with your baby's health care providers for what's important to you, if need be.

PictureDiscreetly nursing one of my little ones
Speaking of breastfeeding, yeah; it's amazing!  I LOVE it and have breastfed six babies (in staggered shifts--not all at once!) for over 13 years, with only two breaks of about six weeks each when two of my children weaned at the end of a couple of my pregnancies.  Pacifiers have been unnecessary, although I would admit that we've discovered their usefulness in the car with our sixth baby.  ;)

On the topic of pacifiers, It was the Couple to Couple League who first introduced us to "ecological breastfeeding," or what I call "natural breastfeeding."  In a nutshell, natural breastfeeding is nursing your baby without the use of artificial nipples, with responsiveness to baby's cues, day and night.  There are advantages to natural breastfeeding, as well as some cons, and this important, neglected topic is one I will address soon in another blog post.  If you want tips for getting a good start or need help, attending a local La Leche League meeting is a great idea.  I am also available as a peer counselor and experienced nursing mom!

PicturePreparing supper while holding baby!
Babywearing?  I can't get enough.  I have worn my babies in backpacks, slings, frontpacks, and now, my brand new soft structured Boba.  It's not only cuddly and sweet to wear your baby, it's the only way a busy mom can get things done, if you choose not to use swings or other baby gear!  Here a shout-out to Baby Wearing International is appropriate.  BWI has local chapters, including one in the Twin Cities area, where you can go and try on and even check out carriers before investing in them.  What works for another mom and baby may not work for you at all, depending on body sizes, baby's age and stage of development and the reason you need or choose to babywear at any particular moment.  BWI meetings are also a great opportunity to meet other AP moms, especially if you live in an area where attachment parenting isn't common.

PictureFirst time I got to hold this sleeper without his feeding tube
Bedding in?  I adore cuddling with my sleeping baby or toddler.  Our children have been and continue to be consistently great sleepers at night, unless they are sick.  Thus far, among our six kids, we have had no bed wetting and no night terrors, including our kids who have graduated from the family bed.  And to clear things up--no; we don't continue to sleep with our children forever!  The exact age of weaning from the family bed has been different with our various children, but regardless of age, we take as much pride in our children developing night-time independence as we do when they take their first steps, or say their first sentence, or paint their first piece of art....  Night-time independence happens gradually and naturally.  Just as a child doesn't go from crawling to walking flawlessly in one day, night-time independence is a gradual process, as the child learns to sleep more deeply, to hold his bladder, how to cope with scary dreams, how to cope with the different sights and sounds of night, etc.  It's a lot to learn and we as parents need to be patient and trusting as our children move through this process.  Safety concerns?  Click on the Dr. McKenna link above.  While we do practice the family bed, safe bed sharing is important; and bed sharing is not for everyone.  Many people find sleeping with baby in a sidecar arrangement (with a co-sleeper) works better for their family than bed sharing.  Concerns about intimacy?  We have six kids, people.  Need I say more?

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Big brother loves to get in on the baby soothing, too!
Responsiveness to baby's cry?  Yep.  With our first, I responded at the first teeny whimper.  Demands on my time are a lot more now than they were then, so it's true that I am not as much of a helicopter mom now as I was then.  Yet if I do fail to reach the baby before he is crying, I like to hold him and validate his feelings of fear or sorrow, with words, sounds and body language meant to convey, 'I am here now; you are safe.'

'Beware of baby trainers.'  This is simply the old old idea of letting the baby cry it out to train the baby to either stop using crying as a method of communication altogether because nobody is ever going to come, or, more commonly, letting the baby cry it out to train the baby to sleep through the night.  Either way, the idea is to let the baby cry without picking up or sometimes even going to the baby.  Keeping in mind my statement above about the fact that I truly believe that God gives a particular child to a particular family, and parents need to decide what type of parenting is best for their family, I do take issue with the cry it out strategy because it is rude.  I wouldn't simply stand there while an older friend or family member were crying.  I would at least attempt to help them or comfort them in some way.  I fail to see how ignoring the tears of a very young person is any less rude.  Enough said.
PictureBaby getting his first bottle at age 9 days.
Finally, balance.  This one eluded me till I was debilitated by postpartum anxiety, when we only had little ones in the house.  It is hard for us perfectionistic moms to realize the following:
  1. You will never be the all-sufficient mom.  You cannot meet all of the needs that your children have.  They will need others: their dad, grandparents, others in your family, doctors, teachers, mentors, their friends, etc.  It's normal and healthy to let someone else meet their needs too.
  2. You will have to break your own rules sometimes.  Yes, even THAT one (whatever it may be).  If you make any rule of parenting more important than the members of your family, it has become an idol.  At various points, I have broken every one of these AP rules, especially in situations of severe illness or a time of unusual activity in the family such as a move to a new house.  It's important to remember that your relationship with your child is made up of years of interactions, and the few exceptions you make for good reasons will not harm your baby.  For example, despite my knowledge, hard work, and help from lactation counselors, our hospitalized baby needed to be fed by bottle for a period of time because of his health condition.  I knew it was necessary, so I didn't sweat it, and I vowed inwardly to work on nursing when we got him home.  As a parent, you have to know when it's time to bend some rules for the greater good.
  3. You absolutely need time for yourself: to eat well, drink water, exercise regularly, spend time with friends (even if it's just on the phone), rest and sleep.  Make a little time for recreation too.
  4. You absolutely need time alone with your spouse.
  5. You absolutely need to make time to pray and for your other spiritual needs.
We call this "living the GIFT."  That's another post I'll write another time.  For now, just remember that in order to BE a gift to others, including your precious children, you have to first live the gift.

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With my baby and my preschooler asleep on either side, I am grateful especially to Sheila Kippley, one of the founders of CCL, now of Natural Family Planning International, for this quiet moment of beauty.  It wouldn't have happened without her.  It is my hope that I too can leave a legacy of quiet moments of beauty in the lives of my own children, and in the lives of other families I have been given the privilege to touch, whether in person or through the written word.  I would love to hear how AP has influenced your life; contribute to the conversation by making a comment!

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    Christelle J. K. Hagen, BfNAE, ICI, SBD is a certified birth doula, certified Baby Signs instructor, Certified Birth & Bereavement Doula, fertility educator, and the President and Founder of St. Croix Birth & Parenting. Christelle helps mothers develop strategies to get pregnant naturally, give birth with confidence, and succeed when they breastfeed!
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    "Blessed are those who trust in the Lord, whose trust is in the Lord. They shall be like a tree planted by water, sending out its roots by the stream. It shall not fear when heat comes, and its leaves stay green; In the year of drought it is not anxious, and it does not cease to bear fruit." ~Jeremiah 17:7-8 (NRSV-CE)

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