Supporting your young child through important transitions is the focus of several of our featured December classes and events, including weaning from the breast (at our online Catholic Nursing Mothers' Group) and welcoming a new sibling (in our Baby Signs "My Baby & Me" playgroup). In this post, I will share four ways to help your growing child to grow gracefully: natural breastfeeding; positive weaning; infant massage; and joyfully preparing for a new sibling.

If you are expecting a new baby, no doubt one of the most important decisions you must make is how you plan to feed your baby. Breastfeeding may not be the easiest choice, especially in the beginning. However, once you and baby get the "hang of it," it becomes second-nature for many busy new moms and babies. Breastfeeding is a wonderful way to ease your newborn's transition from in the womb to in your arms. In fact, healthy newborns have a variety of instincts that allow them to seek out the breast and latch successfully all on their own!

When my oldest (and gently weaning) child was twenty-six months old, relatives were coming from out of state for Thanksgiving. As a young couple, this would be the first time we ever hosted the big day. I was all in for the slow-baked turkey, the mashed potatoes and gravy, the yams, the beans, the salads, the pies, the harvest decorations, the beautifully laid table, and all the rest.

Thirty-eight weeks later, our second child was born, in the shower at home, in the middle of one crazy night.

Sadly, at the end of August, Tiny Treasures was asked to ship off a care package for a New Richmond, Wisconsin family who had experienced a pregnancy loss. And thus, August 2022 was an example of SCBP's mission to "accompany families through the joys and sorrows of birth and parenting."

"Ecological Breastfeeding" is a term originally coined by Sheila Kippley, the co-founder of the Couple to Couple League, (now with Natural Family Planning International) to describe straight-up breastfeeding as it has been done since the beginning of time.  Kippley was a La Leche League leader who was studying and writing about the effects of breastfeeding on fertility back in the 1970's when ecology was the rage.  Had she needed to pick a term today, she probably would have chosen something like "green breastfeeding" or, as I call it, natural breastfeeding.  Ecological breastfeeding is more than "exclusive breastfeeding"--although feeding a baby only breastmilk until he naturally starts solids around six months of age is part of ecological breastfeeding.  It also includes six other "standards" to make it clear if a particular mother is (or is not) practicing ecological breastfeeding.

Ecological breastfeeding isn't a litmus test for "good" or "bad" mothering.  However, it is a completely natural way that babies and pregnancies are spaced, allowing the mother's mineral stores to be replenished.  Meanwhile, the older (ex utero) baby is growing, learning to eat, crawl, walk, and talk, so that when the next baby does come along, Mother can concentrate on him or her, without depriving the older toddler or preschooler of vital nutrition, as may happen with a closer spacing (if her milk supply drops during the pregnancy).  Furthermore, big brother or sister no longer requires the intensive attention that a newborn or infant does, so mother's job is a little easier.  The older sibling is old enough psychologically to understand that the new baby needs mama.  These are significant advantages to ecological breastfeeding that no method of "family planning" can approach.

When I first heard of naturally spacing children through breastfeeding, I had never had a baby.  But after being blessed with our eldest child, I followed Kippley’s “Seven Standards” faithfully.  While everything didn’t turn out exactly as Kippley suggested (O Pediatric Dental Bills, you seem so unjust), there is one area that turned out spot on.  Kippley stated that if you followed all seven standards, and had no bleeding episodes after the first 56 days postpartum, your children would (on average) be spaced two to three years apart.  She was totally right.  After seventeen years of marriage, our six children are all spaced two to three years apart--and this was not due to any underlying infertility as I became pregnant the first time I ovulated several times.  (The only departure from this pattern is between babies four and five, who would have been spaced within that range, but two early pregnancy losses extended the spacing to a little over three years apart.)

A Real-Life Example: 
Christelle's "Periods" since 2000*

2000: 0
2001: 0
2002: 1
2003: 0
2004: 0
2005: 0
2006: 0
2007: 0
2008: 0
2009: 1
2010**: 8
2011: 0
2012: 0
2013: 1
2014: 0

*2000: the year our oldest child was born
**2010: two of these "periods" were early pregnancy losses

“Who cares?” you may wonder.  “If you hadn't noticed, Christelle, you have a gigantic family...so what's the big deal that your babies are spaced two to three years apart?”  Allow me to explain.  During the past fourteen plus years, I have had exactly eleven "periods".  Other than that--no menstrual bleeding, no cramps, migraines, PMS, or pads; and no ovulations—for years on end.  My husband and I have been free of what others call the “fear” of pregnancy, that is, free to enjoy each other intimately for years without any concerns or even thought given to preventing pregnancy.  No potentially contentious discussions about whether to try for another baby.  No need to chart.  No need to take temps.  Simply letting God plan our family.  By the time my fertility has returned, we have been mentally in the place where another pregnancy and another baby seemed…well…natural!  After all, the next oldest child could walk, talk, and feed herself or himself.  There was space in the family for another baby.

It is not easy to share this most unusual (though completely natural) form of baby spacing with others.  Many are suspicious about how "effective" it really is.  I have heard of many women being told by their health care provider that breastfeeding can't be "trusted" to space babies.  And this is partially true, because assuming a particular mother is following all of the standards, her own length of natural infertility may be shorter than average, depending on her baby's nursing patterns, her own biology, and other factors outside of her control.  While I have no doubt that having normal anatomy and physiology have certainly been in our favor, I suspect that my determination (okay, stubbornness would probably be more accurate) has played as much of a role in our success.  Just as I’ve witnessed when it comes to natural childbirth, those women who are going to “try” to birth naturally frequently do not; so also with those who are going to “try” ecological breastfeeding.  ‘Trying’ means you know you should do it the "natural" way, and if there are zero problems you will do it, but if anything gets tough with the birth or with breastfeeding, you plan to quit.  It’s okay.  Using pain meds during a birth, choosing combination feeding or formula feeding your baby, or using a binky doesn’t make you a "bad" mom.  There are times when these things are necessary.  Just not as often as people think.  More often, they are simply wanted.  This is where the guilt comes in because we Americans don’t allow mothers to want things that aren’t ideal.

“Ecological breastfeeding” could just be called “easy” breastfeeding.  Not because the lifestyle it requires is necessarily easy (because sometimes it’s not) but because it makes breastfeeding easier.  I know breastfeeding has been easier for me because of following the seven standards of ecological breastfeeding.  As I discussed in my review of the movie Breastmilk, when our sixth baby arrived, I had already successfully fed five babies without a bottle or pump in the house.  However, my sixth baby required special care after his traumatic birth, and if he was to get any of my milk, I was going to need to learn how to pump.  When I sat in that uncomfortable hospital chair, with a sliding curtain providing the only semblance of privacy, I had the unique position of having successfully nursed five beautifully chubby babies before ever needing to use that pump.  I had the perspective of knowing I can and have produced a supply of milk abundant enough to plump up a baby when I was told by the NICU nurse that I am a “below average” pumper.  I feel sad for first-time moms who hear comments like this and assume that being a “below average pumper” means that they don’t make enough milk.  Feeding your baby, not a pump, sets all the right hormones in motion. Producing milk directly for a baby and producing milk for a plastic pump are two completely different things, and really have no correlation at all.

I encourage pregnant moms and new parents to learn about natural breastfeeding, as described by Sheila Kippley in her books Breastfeeding and Natural Child Spacing and more recently The Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding: The Frequency Factor which you can purchase through the Breastfeed {Naturally} shop, if you wish.  Even if you are one of the rare women for whom breastfeeding according to the seven standards does not produce natural infertility, a choice to parent according to these standards, if made because it feels right for your family to parent this way, will produce a harvest of love and joy, as it has in our family.  …It’s time to present the alternative to the technological form of breastfeeding which has become commonplace in America: natural breastfeeding.  Not to create another ideal that we expect all women to want, but to inform mothers and families of a wonderful set of steps to follow that make breastfeeding easier for many, and have the side benefit of naturally spacing babies without any other knowledge, charts, devices, barriers, medications, or procedures.

Though a dual certified birth doula, my decision to practice a “radical” form of breastfeeding, which eschews all bottles and pacifiers (even if filled with breastmilk), means in practice that being present at births is nearly impossible...a fairly serious impediment to practicing my trade.  However, despite hearing of its frequency in other breastfeeding moms, in fourteen years of nearly continuous breastfeeding, I have only once come close to mastitis—and that was during one of the handful of times I have assisted as a birth doula and was separated from my baby for longer than usual.  Staying with one’s baby the bulk of the time certainly makes breastfeeding simpler.

The Community Health Worker featured in Breastmilk wondered aloud what it would be like if WIC didn’t give mothers formula—in her words, if they “forced” mothers to breastfeed exclusively.  Yet the stories of the mothers featured in the documentary demonstrate that withholding formula doesn’t go far enough.  If we want to make breastfeeding easier for normal, healthy moms and babies, we also have to withhold the pump, and keep moms and babies together.  Doesn’t seem realistic?  For those moms who are unable or do not wish to be stay at home mothers, work places with on-site childcare need to receive public praise and public support.  And we need to be unequivocal about our babies.  I find it hard to believe that the librarian complaining about the lack of onsite childcare in Breastmilk was the only mother in the school district who wanted such care.  For all the moms at work places that do not yet offer onsite childcare, determination is needed to reach out to the other pregnant or nursing mothers at your company.  Get together and brainstorm ways to help your babies stay with you at work; don’t sit around and wait for someone in management or leadership to come up with a solution.  Encouraging nursing moms at the work place requires an entire work place culture of breastfeeding support, but it will likely start with determined mother-workers who themselves come up with creative, business-positive solutions.

While great strides have been made over the past 45 years in breastfeeding initiation, improvements in length of breastfeeding lag behind.  About half of America’s babies are already weaned by 6 months of age and less than one third are still nursing at one year of age, (3) despite the recommendation that babies receive at least some breastmilk for at least a full year by the AAP (4) and a full two years "or beyond" by the WHO (5).  If the mothers in Breastmilk are representative, most mothers begin their breastfeeding relationship convinced of the benefits and cautiously optimistic about their own chances for success.  However, interventions in the birthing process and immediate postpartum; easy access to artificial baby milk; well-meaning but ill-informed physicians, government workers, and other authorities; baffled, worried and exhausted husbands, partners and relatives; worries about baby’s growth; a desire by the mother for some sense of control in a process that seems mysterious and lacking in objectivity; as well as misinformation and the undeniable “evidence” from the pump all conspire to undermine the mother’s confidence.  Pretty soon she’s supplementing and without the message from her body to make more milk, her supply drops and with little encouragement or practical help, she may quit all together, convinced she couldn't make 'enough'.