I had the opportunity to answer questions and answers about Bonding with Baby yesterday at the free online SuperMoms-in-Training Summit. It was a great experience! Since the actual recording is reserved for summit participants, here's a recap of what I discussed.

To bond with baby (as well as older children!) I suggest new parents look into attachment parenting (AP). I would argue that AP is simply instinctive parenting that has been practiced since the beginning of the human race, but it has been promoted in recent decades by Dr. William Sears and his wife, Martha Sears, RN. In their book, Attachment Parenting,* the Searses promote the "Seven B's" of AP:

• Birth Bonding
• Breastfeeding
• Babywearing
• Bed Sharing
• Belief in the signal value of Baby's Cries
• Beware of Baby Trainers (practices that might reduce your responsiveness to your baby)
• Balance and Boundaries

In my Summit Q & A, I discussed a little bit about each of these practices. One reason I encourage mothers to work toward a natural, unmedicated birth without routine interventions is because such a birth usually provides the best conditions for normal breastfeeding, and breastfeeding is an important factor in bonding. Another important part of Birth Bonding is skin-to-skin contact between mom and baby -- and also dad and baby! And skin-to-skin is something you can do with your baby anytime, not just at birth.

Research suggests that Breastfeeding is an important factor in mother-baby bonding. It's important to add that breastfeeding doesn't guarantee bonding, and other feeding choices certainly don't prevent bonding! However, breastfeeding releases bonding hormones in baby and mother, and is known as an important factor in bonding.

There was a question about what can be done to prepare for breastfeeding during pregnancy. Make sure to get a lactation consultant lined up before you have a need! If needed, it is much easier to make a call for help to someone with whom you have already established a relationship than cold calling in what might feel like a very emergent situation. A second suggestion I have is to make sure you take a good breastfeeding preparation class!

The third B is Babywearing. Babies who are "worn" (carried in a sling or infant carrier) cry less and are perceived as "easier" / happier babies. This can make bonding easier. In addition to babywearing, I also recommend Infant Massage! Infant massage is a wonderful way to promote your baby's physical and emotional health while growing in your bond.

I spoke the longest about the fourth B: Bed Sharing because many have concerns about bedsharing safety. It is important to follow safe bed sharing guidelines! If bedsharing isn't something that you are interested in doing, it can be beneficial to sleep close to baby, for example, with baby in a "sidecar" arrangement or with bassinette in your room.

I add Baby Sign language to the fifth B: Belief in the signal value of a Baby's Cries. The parent or caregiver recognizes that babies want to communicate their needs and it is our job to observe our babies and learn what their signals mean. Baby Sign language facilitates this process by giving babies a way to communicate their needs, thoughts, and emotions before they are able to speak!

Similar to the Bedsharing B, I recognize that "Beware of Baby Trainers" is one of the more controversial AP practices. To make this less confrontational, I like to explain this one as avoiding those practices that force you to be less responsive to your baby. For example, there are some methods that are designed to "train" a baby not to cry...ever. This is the kind of practice that should be avoided if you want to practice AP, because it interferes with the previous B: recognizing the signal value of a baby's cries. (This B does not mean using gentle methods of weaning or helping your toddler learn to sleep through the night at an appropriate age. Of course all children should wean from the breast and sleep through the night!)

The final B, which in my opinion is the most important, is Balance and Boundaries. Parents who gravitate to AP tend to be (like me haha) Type A perfectionists. It is important to be gentle with yourself and make sure your own needs are met: physical, emotional, social, and spiritual. AP can be intense and it is something that requires a lot of energy and commitment for the long-haul. You absolutely need to meet your own needs to be a long-term AP parent. You matter! And your baby does, too! Blessings to you and your baby.

One of my most popular posts in this blog is about ecological breastfeeding. Earlier this year, I was asked by Natural Family Planning International to produce a short video about ecological breastfeeding. I wrote the video, filmed it, acted in it, and edited it. This was a fun experience and I hope to produce more parenting videos in the future! Contact me or comment below if you have ideas for parenting videos, or questions I can answer with a video!

Because they go by kind of fast, here are the Seven Standards of Ecological Breastfeeding:

Do you have comments or questions about ecological breastfeeding (sometimes called eco-breastfeeding)? Do you have eco-bfing experiences to share? Comment below!

Once a month, Gina Peterson, IBCLC, and Lexy Backstrom, BfNA (two Catholic Nursing Mothers' League leaders) work with me to support Catholic breastfeeding mothers in two online breastfeeding support groups. We launched these groups in March of 2021, and just celebrated our first anniversary of providing free online breastfeeding education and support. This month's topic is "Working with Your Baby's Natural Instincts to Breastfeed." 

In preparing for our meeting, I took some time to refresh and expand my knowledge of the many instinctual reflexes newborns have at birth that help them to locate, attach, and breastfeed successfully -- when new mothers are given the freedom to hold their healthy, full-term babies skin-to-skin  in laid-back, tummy to tummy positions.

My interest was piqued by a 2015 research study, "Intrapartum Synthetic Oxytocin Reduce (sic) the Expression of Primitive Reflexes Associated with Breastfeeding." In this study, the researchers observed that those babies exposed to synthetic oxytocin (i.e., "Pitocin") during birth exhibited fewer primitive neonatal reflexes that are favorable to getting started with breastfeeding as compared to the group of babies with no exposure to synthetic oxytocin.

The reflexes that appear to be most affected by exposure to Pitocin include all of the rhythmic reflexes that were studied (suck, jaw jerk, and swallowing). As a group, all the primitive neonatal reflexes that were studied were observed less in the group of newborns exposed to synthetic oxytocin as compared to the newborns who were not exposed.

The researchers suggested that it may be possible that synthetic oxytocin could cross through both the placenta (which protects the baby from some harmful substances) as well as the barrier that protects the fetus from substances that could damage his or her developing brain.

There were several limitations to the study. The group without synthetic oxytocin exposure included more experienced mothers, and the group with exposure had much higher epidural anesthesia rates. However the researchers did not observe any differences in the rates of newborns exhibiting primitive neonatal reflexes based on these two variables.

My intention in sharing this information is to encourage healthy mothers to make it a goal to have a natural, unmedicated birth whenever possible -- with a supportive birth team (including a birth doula if possible), in a birthplace that has a track record of good support for natural birth experiences.

As I know from my own experiences, breastfeeding is NOT always easy. And despite doing everything "right", it can be frustrating, exhausting, and sometimes just plain hard work that seems impossible. Your breastfeeding journey is unique to you and your baby; and as always, what works for both of you is what's best for you. Contact me if you need a listening ear or another perspective!

Chris Hagen became St. Croix Birth & Parenting's newest Crystal Community Sponsor. SCBP is a nonprofit registered in the state of Minnesota. A very large portion of our income is made of financial gifts from individuals like you! Chris's gift will help us keep our doors open so we can continue to provide free and low-cost birth, breastfeeding, and parenting services to growing families and families of loss throughout the USA. Thanks, Chris!

The coronavirus pandemic has changed life as most of us once experienced it. Many areas of the world are in lockdown, and even in areas where things have opened up, as the number of COVID-19 cases spikes again, we will likely face more social distancing measures or quarantines to try to slow the spread (if we aren't already).

For some new mothers, this slower, more home-based pace of life has been a good thing. These moms report that being quarantined with their babies has helped them breastfeed, since - just to mention one thing - being separated from a nursing baby tends to make maintaining a milk supply more challenging and if nothing else, lockdown gives us lots and lots of time with our immediate family members. But in other and important ways, social isolation is not great for new mothers. Many important services that mothers need, including lactation help, have been more difficult or impossible to access during lockdown. Aside from access to healthcare, all mothers need other mothers, friends, sisters, cousins, grandmothers, aunts...we need our sisters and our sage femmes to let us know we're not alone; we're loved; we're doing a good-enough job; our kids are normal (usually); and, if they're not, to have faith that eventually, this too shall pass. Lockdowns put a lock on these face-to-face and side-by-side moments...natural social interactions which normally serve to lower our stress levels and restore us - "enhope" us. ​And all this goes quadruple for new mothers.

Dealing with lochia, sore nipples, night feeds, blow outs, the constant guessing games that a newborn brings (a/k/a no instruction manual), keeping a brand new non-verbal human thriving and growing, and caring for everything "down there" is just a lot. In some idealized past, we imagine our ancestral mothers got to lie around while their loving, supportive kin waited on them hand and foot. Sure, maybe that happened sometime, somewhere, but envying our long-departed great-great-grandmother's "lying in" is not really going to help you get through this painful feed, on this lonely day, at this ungodly hour.

So let's break this down. New mothers have physical needs. Food, water, monster sized maternity pads (in the beginning), menstrual pads later on, baths or showers, and (eventually) clean clothes. If you love her, ask about these things. If she needs something, help or ask someone else to help. Leave things on her porch, in her mailbox, send it unaccompanied up the elevator, or throw it through her window if you have to! (Or you could just give to the baby's dad, but that's not as fun.)

If she's good with her physical needs, I guarantee she has emotional needs. Call and ask about her birth. Listen. Bite your tongue if you find yourself starting any sentence with the words "at least." Listen. Celebrate the good stuff with her. Mourn with her anything she found sad. Share her anger if anything made her mad. Don't tell her what she should have done differently. Listen. Are you listening? Keep listening. No matter what, make sure to let her know how amazing she is. No one in the history of the world had her birth. It was her adventure and she is a heroine for having done it!

Call another time and ask how things are going with the baby. Celebrate the joys. Mourn the things that aren't going so well with her. Did I mention don't tell her she should have done anything differently? She is probably already beating herself up about something. If her baby is growing and developing, she's doing a great job. Tell her.

A few days or a week later, call her again. And then again. And yet again. And pretty soon she will blossom and her tiny baby will become a chunky monkey, roll over and crawl and take his first steps, and life will settle and she will never forget that you were there, on the sidelines, cheering her on the whole time. Maybe you never carried a meal to her bedside on a solid-gold tray, but you were there. And maybe she'll tell her great-great-granddaughters about you and how you were there for her when great-grandpa was born, during the time of the world coronavirus pandemic.

This video is a mini version of the full body infant massage in our Infant Massage Basics class! Check our schedule for our next online class. Contact us to register!

Help your baby's tummy time take off with the Airplane Game! No equipment needed.

In Up, Up, and Away! (Tummy Time Activity Video #4) you will learn:

• A traditional game to help make tummy time fun
• Alternative positions for the airplane game
• A great way dads and other significant people can play with baby during tummy time

This video is intended for educational purposes only. Please consult with your baby's doctor or medical care provider for specific advice about the care of your baby.